I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
