I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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