plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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