Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
