my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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