i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
this is an emotional support booty call
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
