nut hugger
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
