I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
