Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
