I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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