thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
