oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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