i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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