i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
