I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
