Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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