i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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