im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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