I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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