Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
my liver is dry heaving
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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