is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
