You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
