somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
