you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
