Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
