Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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