I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
