he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
