i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
