Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
