the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
