The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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