yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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