allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
