Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
