Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
