STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
