What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
