her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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