Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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