I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
