i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
