Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
