I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
