You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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