Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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