I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
