Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
