yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
