Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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