i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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