it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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