I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
