I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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