Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
