Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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