i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
