my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
