I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
