Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
