my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
