I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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