i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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