And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
