you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
