oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
