is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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