Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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