just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
