all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
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No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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