You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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