U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
