i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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