Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
